mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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