You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish my penis had an off switch
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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