he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
