I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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