Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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