i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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