i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
