All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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