i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
