I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
