; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
