it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
