Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
