My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
