I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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