i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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