he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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