hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
