yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
