I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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