My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
