I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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