Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
even my farts smell like vagina
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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