i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
