my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
