You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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