hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
