Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
