i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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