Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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