You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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