K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
