You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
