I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
