I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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