Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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