I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
