got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
