Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
