Pappa wants mamma naked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's the barista slut.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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