I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
