This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
