Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

He has such a weird drunk-voice.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

dude, he's deaf.

Fav 23 1149 1847
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(770): View more from Georgia

He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

Fav 15 6795 1045
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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

Fav 19 2151 4385
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(732): View more from New Jersey

its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

Fav 57 1397 8118
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

Fav 22 5939 1328
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

(651): View more from Minnesota

That's yours. We cut you off.

Fav 3 4222 1246
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.

Fav 6 2201 904
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(512): View more from Texas

it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house

Fav 1 962 548
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more

Fav 0 52 17
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