Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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