i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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