I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
