he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
