It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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