i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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