I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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