I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
