I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
