you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
