fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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