Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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