New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
