i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
