i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
