If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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