genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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