You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
