I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
