I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
