he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
